I Don’t Do Drugs, But…

Now, I can get the experience - thanks to new Hershey mints! That’s right the venerable chocolate company has issued its new mint in packaging that resembles cocaine (or heroine, if you so desire). I’m just all giddy with excitement. Not only will I get the rush of feeling like I’m carrying around some coke, but I’ll have fresh breath while doing it! Doesn’t get much better than that.

Readers on Your List? Buy the Book.

Not my book. Well, that too. But, I’m talking about: The Year of Living Biblically: One Man’s Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible (Simon & Schuster, 2007) by A.J. Jacobs. The book is outselling the freaking Bible on Amazon. Is there any better endorsement than that?

The book is a thought-provoking, funny, reverent, irreverent memoir that follows A.J.’s yearlong journey to live by the rules and regulations set forth by the Bible. He stoned an adulterer, out-Bible talked a Jehovah’s Witness (actually inviting said witness into his home!), wore flowing white robes, grew his beard long enough to join ZZ Top and carried his own chair around with him.

Oh, and he’s married. And a dad. Yes, his wife agreed to stay married to a guy who basically went psycho for a year. (Even if it were a controlled psycho. His wife rules.)

The Year of Living Biblically is a great read. It’s truly entertaining and if you have any interest in religion (at all) - it will be especially compelling. (Though interest in religion is not a pre-requisite by any means.) And, if you’re Jewish (of any kind) - you MUST have this book.

Dad on Fire 16: Religion

Just in time for Chanukah, Hanukah, Hannukkahh, Christmas, Kwanza and Festivus (for the restivus) - it’s time to talk religion in the family. We’ll have author AJ Jacobs on the show (The Year of Living Biblically: One Man’s Humble Quest to Follow the Bible as Literally as Possible - Simon & Schuster, $25), as well as an interfaith couple with a fascinating tale. Listen, goddamnit!

Dads on Fire 15: Cool Holiday Gifts

Best gifts, secret gifts, favorite gifts, Taz Pinot Noir

Let there be no mistake, we won’t be buying any gifts from The Sharper Image or Brookstone this year. The fine folks at BOTH of those establishments flaked on us. Let the record show that both confirmed that they would participate in Dads on Fire - only to flake. Did we mention that they flaked? No? Oh, the people at The Sharper Image and Brookstone flaked. Representatives from both confirmed that they’d be on the show to share the hot gifts - and they bailed. Flaked, even. Did we mention that?

So, since The Sharper Image and Brookstone both flaked - we had no choice but to carry the show on our own. And, we’re all better for it. We know what people always say they want, but what are they afraid to ask for? We found out. A vibrator that cuddles? Genius. Listen for other gems that could not only make millions of dollars in retail, but also millions of couples happy forever.

Holiday Insanity Begins

Thanksgiving is over, but the madness is just beginning. The month-long hangover that comes with closing deals at the end of the year, shopping, holiday parties and, of course, family time is upon us. I’m not a big fan, frankly. I hate trying to figure out what gifts to get for people, and feel even more uncomfortable telling people what I want (when asked).  (I’ll usually go with, “Nothing, I’m good.”)

This time of year is actually a big opportunity to review the last year and try to figure out how to do the next year better. At least, that’s how I view these final weeks of the year. From jobs to money to family and more - there’s always that chance to do it better, I think. If you had to change anything - what would it be? I’m not talking resolutions. I’m talking changes.

When the Famous Divorce

I’m not sure if this falls under sports or entertainment. It might be neither. Hulk Hogan’s wife has filed for divorce. Unfortunately, she forgot to inform her soon-to-be-former husband. It seems the Hulkster found out from a journalist. Nice. Not that any of us would ever mistake Mrs. Hulk for someone dripping with class, but that’s just brutal.

The couple, stars of their own reality show, recently went through marital counseling and supposedly reconciled. Mmmmmm…guess not. Their kid just got arrested. Sucks to be Hulk Hogan, I guess. Might be time to start taking ‘roids again.

It Does Everything…While You Do Nothing

You know what I want for Chanukah/Christmas/Kwanza/National Atheist Day? A freakin’ hammock. I’ve never actually owned one, but every time I get into one - the world stops. There are other ways to make the world stop, but they mostly give me the munchies and I don’t need to eat more than I already do during the holidays.

It’s absolutely impossible to be stressed or think bad thoughts in a hammock. Therapists should prescribe time in a hammock to reduce anxiety. Any fights between husbands, wives, neighbors and nations should be resolved by each battling party getting into their own hammocks. Before long, it’ll be, “What were we fighting about?” Instead of dropping bombs on Iraq - we should drop hammocks.

I want to become the national spokesperson for the hammock industry. That’s my new goal.

These Guys Are Why Dads Get a Bad Rap

You know why women/moms think dads are idiots? Because some of them are. Really - how hard is it to change a freakin’ diaper?

Husband Keeps Lottery Winnings a Secret

Can you imagine winning the lottery, but not telling your wife? This dude in Florida did just that. He was part of a group from American Airlines that won $10.2 million. After opting for the lump sum payment, he and his coworkers each took $600K before taxes.

She’s suing for her share of the money. Unfortunately for her…nobody can find the guy. As soon as she confronted him - he flew the coop. He’s in the wind. MIA. Gone. I hope he’s left Miami, cuz that $450K (or whatever it is after taxes) isn’t gonna go very far down there.

On the one hand, I feel badly for the Mrs. She’s been with this guy since 2000 (married in 2005). And on the other hand - you kind of have to admire the dude. He may be a freakin’ idiot, but he must have huge cajones. (Of course, if she has her way - she’s gonna take one of them. That would be half.)

Dads on Fire 14: Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving, dads, relatives, family feuds, kissing cousins, Paraiso Wines

The holidays are upon us - and that can only mean one thing: Eating ’til you puke! Well, that and the stress of lots of family for long periods of times in close confines. That is, after all, why they schedule football games on Thanksgiving - it cuts down on the need to interact with with your crazy Uncle Irv. (You know Uncle Irv. He usually drinks gin & tonics in a pint glass.)

In order to help survive Thanksgiving, Elizabeth gave us five six tips to help make it through the longest dinner of the year (and your life). Melissa also helped us figure out that our families aren’t that bad. You should hear the stories of these poor bastards she interviewed. And, kissing cousins at Thanksgiving? Nice!

As always, we’ve got the five songs and TWiP Notes. Good luck, people. We’re with you and feel your pain.

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