A Bunch of Rich Guys Did Drugs

I’m trying to figure out if I should really give a shite about “The Mitchell Report.” A bunch of professional athletes took performance-enhancing drugs to help them…well, perform. There weren’t any real surprises in the report (if you’re surprised that Roger Clemens was mentioned so many times - you’re either blind, blissful ignorant, or even a racist).

I gave up on sports as anything more than diversion and entertainment a long, LONG time ago. Not that I’m jaded, I just came to realize that the actual athletes don’t care for me personally - so, why should I give them such love. Entertain me. Make me go “WOW!” from time to time. But, I’m certainly not losing any sleep over a team loss or anything like that.

So, back to the report, then. Who cares? Is it that kids will clamor to use them because “their heroes” do? That’s not about the pros or the kids. That’s about the parents. Yeah, there’s a ton of money at stake. But, do we REALLY need to spend THIS much time talking about it? Do we really need 100 straight hours of broadcast coverage to “dissect” the report. Please. Should Bug Selig be forced to resign? Yes, but that’s not gonna happen either.

Frankly, I don’t have any more respect for a 300-win pitcher who didn’t juice vs. a guy like Clemens. They still need to perform. If the pros want to die young and shrink their nuts into baby walnuts…go for it. The league, the players, the networks and even the fans - we’re all at fault. We love to pay for records being broken.

When the Famous Divorce

I’m not sure if this falls under sports or entertainment. It might be neither. Hulk Hogan’s wife has filed for divorce. Unfortunately, she forgot to inform her soon-to-be-former husband. It seems the Hulkster found out from a journalist. Nice. Not that any of us would ever mistake Mrs. Hulk for someone dripping with class, but that’s just brutal.

The couple, stars of their own reality show, recently went through marital counseling and supposedly reconciled. Mmmmmm…guess not. Their kid just got arrested. Sucks to be Hulk Hogan, I guess. Might be time to start taking ‘roids again.

Be Like Mike (Errr…Dad)?

It’s gotta be tough to be Michael Jordan’s kid. Especially if you’re a basketball player. And, even more especially if you’re Michael Jordan’s kid and you choose to play ball for a bigtime college hoops program.

Jeffrey Jordan will be a walk-on player for the Illinois basketball program. That’s non-scholarship. He could have chosen to play for a smaller school, but he wanted to test his mettle in the Big Ten. I respect that. Michael Jordan respects that. But, damn, that’s a huge shadow and some awfully big shoes to fill. (And, this is a guy that knows something “about the shoes.”)

For his part, Michael says, “The thing we have tried to tell Jeff is that you pick your own expectations and if you’re happy, that’s all that matters.” Makes sense. Where the story breaks down for me is here:

Jordan said he talked to his son about mistakes he made in the past, including gambling. While he said there is nothing wrong with gambling, he advised his son to be careful. “My lesson to him was ‘Don’t ever go outside your means.”

Well, Mike - not everyone has your means. And, not everyone can handle their gambling addictions as well as you appear to. Nothing wrong with gambling? “Son, there’s nothing wrong with shooting heroine - just don’t go outside your means and get yourself addicted.”

(And, we won’t even get into the whispered controversy about Mike’s gambling and his “year off” from the NBA and his own father’s death/murder.” Yeah, nothing wrong with it.)

Maybe it’s not so good to be like Mike?

Damon Wayans Sez: Women Not Tending to Men’s “Basic Needs”

On his recent appearance on “The View,” Damon Wayans went on the record stating that fewer women these days are taking care of men’s “basic needs.” Wayans continued to dig his own grave, adding, “Women today, most women I run into, don’t want to do the fundamentals. They don’t cook. … I make the money so she can make something to cook.”

In the same interview, Damon stated that he agreed with Don Imus’ assessment that last year’s Rutgers University women’s basketball team looked like a bunch of “nappy headed ho’s.” This is a statement that got Imus fired. Damon’s response, “Freedom of speech, what happened to that? What happened to expressing yourself?”

Damon, Damon, Damon. Careful, man…or you will end up in that straight jacket. In a basement. Never to be heard from again.

“New” Mom Wins NYC Marathon

Yawn. Sorry, writing about marathons has an air of boredom to it. But, there’s a huge amount of attention being given to the fact that women’s NY Marathon record holder and new mom (she gave birth in January), Paula Radcliffe won this year’s race.

I’m sorry - and yes, I’m likely incurring the wrath of millions - but I just don’t understand what’s so amazing about her achievement. Yes, winning the race is a huge achievement, but she’s an elite runner. She’s a professional athlete. THIS IS HER JOB!

She simply did what most women do after they have babies - she went back to work. Why aren’t there headlines screaming praise for those women? In a way - Ms. Radcliffe has it easier. When she goes out for one of her easy training runs - pushing a stroller - that’s part of her job. Most women have to struggle the home, job and exercise. Exercise is this new mom’s job.

I find it most interesting that women bloggers everywhere are lauding this achievement as some sort of show of mom-power. I just don’t see it that way. (Again, GREAT that she won, but I just don’t get the rest of it.) Yeah, I might be mocked by my dude-brethren, but is it such a surprise that moms are capable of doing huge, world-changing things? I don’t think so.

Andy Reid Not Gonna Win Father-of-the-Year

Far be it from us to criticize the way any father chooses to parent his kids - especially when that father is the head coach of an NFL franchise - but from the outside it appears as if Andy Reid might consider resigning his position (at least temporarily). Despite the fact that Reid took a five-week sabbatical from his job earlier this year to tend to his drug-addicted, gun wielding, reckless driving kids, the boys have both landed back behind bars.

This time - the judge blasted Reid and his wife, when wondered aloud how the parents could be blind to the long list of drugs, guns and ammunition that police found in the Reids’ home and vehicles. The judge said, “These are highly addictive medications that are just around the house with two addicts in it. It sounds more or less like a drug emporium.”

NFL coaches having family issues with their kids isn’t new. Your call, Coach. Do the right thing - even if the boys are in prison.

 

“Dog the Bounty Hunter’s” Kid Sells Out His Dad

Ah - there’s nothing like the beautiful relationship between father and son. Unless, of course, dad doesn’t approve of the son’s African American girlfriend and goes on an “n-word” rampage on a phone call with his son (which his son apparently recorded). Son, in turn, sold the tape of the voice mail the National Enquirer. Nice. Dog, who until this phone call had a reality TV show on A&E, is on an apology tear and has offered this gem:

“I have the utmost respect and aloha for black people who have suffered so much due to racial discrimination and acts of hatred. I did not mean to add yet another slap in the face to an entire race of people who have brought so many gifts to this world. I am ashamed of myself and I pledge to do whatever I can to repair this damage I have caused.

“My sincerest, heartfelt apologies go out to every person I have offended for my regrettable use of very inappropriate language,” he continued. ”I am deeply disappointed in myself for speaking out of anger to my son and using such a hateful term in a private phone conversation.

“I was disappointed in his choice of a friend, not due to her race, but her character. However, I should have never used that term.”

Yeah, that should fix it. Another reality show bites the dust.