Mom Sells Kid’s Car

Mom buys son car. Mom tells son “no booze in car.” Mom finds booze in car. Mom sells car. This scenario played out in two weeks. Nice going son. Mom is getting HUGE props from around the country for her actions. The kid is pissed, of course, but he truly effed up. I give the mom credit for taking a stand and sticking by it. Most of us would probably just take the care away for some period of time, etc. But selling it? Nice.

Right After the Fruit Cake

…I’d consider buying a “glover.” Check that - I’d never consider buying this. If you and your wife/partner/dog/whatever think that holding hands while you’re both wearing gloves is too “impersonal,” I might suggest counseling before these gloves. I’ll look forward to the research that proves that couples who wear these gloves are involved in a higher-than-normal percentage of abusive relationships. No truth to the rumor that O.J. Simpson is a silent investor in the company.

Yeah, It’s Self-Serving. So What?

Todd, Todd’s book, Dads on Fire and even Todd’s kid got a little pub in the Sunday edition of the San Francisco Chronicle.

After years of being the PR guy getting stories written about other people - I finally have one (sorta) written about me. I was asked to write a story about the places where I take the kid. Sure, there’s a bit of poetic license used, but I didn’t think detailing Kolby’s favorite bars, or giving tips on getting two-year olds into strip bars was appropriate. So, instead, it’s beaches, restaurants and firehouses (though, I did sneak in a winery).

It’s Not Only the Name that Might F*ck Up Your Kid

Turns out your kids initials might negatively impact his future. We all know that names like, oh, Wank, for instance can lead to a tremendous amount of pain on the playground, but according to a new study, kids whose names start with the letter C or D do measurably worse in school. I’m guessing all those Franks, Freds and Fayes out there are f*cked. (And now, more than only because their names are Fred or Faye.)

The study also says that my son, whose name starts with K, is less likely to have a career as a power hitter in the Major Leagues. Kids with the initial K in their first name tend to strike out more often than others. (No truth to the rumor that boys with the letter B as their first initial will use more steroids than others. That one turns out to just be a fluke.)

So, does the initial G indicate that kids will be more predisposed to be gay (not that there’s anything wrong with that)?
Will Nancy turn out to be a nymphomaniac? (Which might be too bad. Does Nancy sound like a nympho’s name?)
Will John need to use one, or worse, become one more often than say a James?
And speaking of James, is he more likely to work out? (Think about it.)

Well, come to think of it - I guess those have more to do with the name than the initials. But, for all you over-eager, competitive, my kid will only get A’s in school parents out there - you might want to think about your kid’s name staring with an A.

Call Me a Geek, But…

No - this isn’t a post about international porn. (Though, such posts are certainly not out of the question.) I’m heading off to Caracas tomorrow morning (for work, believe it or not) and I found a very helpful site. Since I’m tied to my laptop and phone - having both charged and constantly ready to go prove to be a bit important. (How else will I post from Venezuela?)

A quick search on “Venezuela Electricity” and I found a site that provides you with all you need to know about the adapters you might need in any country. And, it’s even easy to understand with pictures. I like pictures.

Oh…It’s ABOUT Teen Sex - Not Teens HAVING Sex

What were you doing Googling “Teen Sex Show?” Excitedly, among the links (as you look over your shoulder to make sure nobody at work is watching you in your little, open cube, also know as hell), you find something called “The Midwest Teen Sex Show.”

You open it with giddy, disgusting anticipation.

And you find a genius video podcast that doesn’t show any teens having sex. Instead, you’ve found a brilliant, genius production that is designed to warn teens about the perils of unprotected, dangerous or otherwise stupid sex. With segments like “Birth Control,” “Syphilis,” “Beatin’ It” and “Homosexuality,” the show is edgy and designed to make kids think.

Of course, because it’s entertainment and not first-and-foremost educational, the rank and file educators are a bit up in arms (cuz, you know, CLEARLY the way sex ed is taught now is obviously working).

That being said, in the episode “The Older Boyfriend,” the show offers this gem: “You may think you’re pretty cool for having an older boyfriend, but what you have to remember is he’s not cool for dating you. He’s a loser. And you can find plenty of losers to date at school.”

THAT - is real education.

Wank Like an Egyptian!

Just because you’re single, in a dry spell or otherwise not getting any doesn’t mean you can’t mix it up from time to time. A friend sent in a link to an excellent poster, which explains all the fun ways that one might choose to amuse oneself. We’ve established that choking the chicken isn’t cheating - so, have at it, people! (Although, you might want to avoid the last one. That’s just wrong.)

Introfee.com Offers $1,000 for Live Birth Footage

It’s barely November and the talk of Super Bowl ads is already cluttering up the Web. Introfee.com, a company that will “be birthed” on Super Bowl Sunday is offering $1,000 for live birth footage. Apparently, the company’s ad agency saw all the same crappy footage that we watched in our horrific birthing classes and was equally repulsed. (I ask again…WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? “Hey, honey, let’s shoot graphic footage of the delivery so men the world over will think twice about ever watching porn again!”)

If you have any friends who are having a baby soon - get that camera rolling and split the prize money. It’s never too early to start the college fund - or the road to burnout-child-actor-status. Just imagine that line-item on the resume: “Infotree.com live birth baby.” What a great pick-up line, “Yeah, baby - that was me. I’m not afraid of nude scenes.”

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